Surviving Another Year Around the Sun

I’m never one for making a big deal out of birthdays. The more I have of them, the more I want to ignore them. I know I’m only young, but I’ve always feared getting old.

23 feels like the beginning of getting older, or of life getting more serious. I thought I’d write a sort of self reflection post, but I don’t really know where I’m going with it. This might be one that ends up being deleted.

I was thinking the other day that I haven’t done much in a year. Sure, I finished university and graduated but since last September I haven’t really achieved much. I started a job I loved, finished that one, started another job and then furlough happened and I’m back to square one.

I haven’t got that ‘proper’ job that everyone speaks of and I still don’t know when I will. I guess my younger self always thought I would have it together by this age and be a proper adult. But what does a proper adult even mean?

Time is a strange thing and it means different things to everyone. Some people want to get married in their twenties and have children straight away, whereas others want to wait. I’m not in a rush, but I do wish my life had a bit more momentum and I was somewhat closer to being where I want to.

But I can’t blame myself for that, Covid happened out of the blue and was never something I could control. And I have been making steps and pushing myself out of my comfort zone, and that’s what matters, right?

The next few years are going to be a hard one to try and start a career in and it feels like our generation has faced obstacle after obstacle (nearly two global recessions now, come on) so this year I’m not going to be too hard on myself and I’m going to celebrate every small achievement.

I may be 23, but that doesn’t mean I have to have my whole life together – it just feels that way due to societal pressures and expectations.

Bu I do have things to be proud of.

I’ve been brave enough to put myself all over the internet in the form of blog posts, articles and writing on Medium. First year university me would never have been this bold, maybe not even third year university me. I’ve gained a certain amount of confidence with my writing but I’m nowhere near there yet – but it’s a journey, right?

I feel like I am managing my anxiety better than I used to. At university I used to let it just take hold of me. But now I make the effort and I’m learning about what’s best for me. Having a slower pace to life since the pandemic has definitely helped, and so has rediscovering journaling.

I think in a way I have channeled myself more this year, as I’ve been able to do things I lost track of at university. Like reading, writing and just being. I haven’t found myself fully yet, but apparently that happens more as you go into your 20s…

I’m by no means perfect or where I want to be yet – but that’s okay. I survived another year – and that’s enough to celebrate in itself.

It’s also Hugh Grant’s birthday today, so happy birthday to him (he’s 60!)

Diary of a graduate (p.1)

Image: Yours truly (Violet Daniels)
A nice hazy sky and some trees

Some observant followers may have noticed my blog getting a nice revamp in recent days. But I suspect most of you probably haven’t noticed (I probably wouldn’t have).

Delving into WordPress premium is part of my (sort of New Years resolution but not as I don’t really believe in all that) decision to really invest in this blog.

Countless failed attempts to get work experience in journalism and writing has made me realise that maybe I need to just try and make it on my own… somehow?! At least if I don’t have experience, I may have this.

So January is a big month for me – I am finally graduating from the University of York with a Bachelor’s degree in History; only five or six months later than planned. When this is published, I won’t have graduated yet but I thought I would give some kind of background to where I am now,

If I’m honest, I’m not really looking forward to the process and would like it over with sooner rather than later. Just let me grab my certificate and run… I suppose the experience of wearing that funny hat is what really matters.

If I’m honest, when I think back to my degree it almost feels like a lifetime ago, and that I was living in some hazy, alternate reality far away from life as it is now. I do miss the constant learning and academic rigor that came with my degree. Part of me thinks I am not quite done with studying yet, which may be another path for me to go down (if I can pay off my already acquired student overdraft)…

As my graduation looms ahead of me like a dark cloud, I can’t help but feel like I need to kick myself in gear a bit more in terms of my ‘career’, as I can no longer claim I am a student after January.

September to December were some really good months for me, I was working in a bookshop which I loved but now that temporary job is over and I am once again unemployed and have not had any luck with finding work.

I guess this ‘diary of a graduate’ series is an attempt to convey the realities of post university life as a young adult trying to find their ways into the world. I will be documenting my struggles, experiences and any successes I may have, in a hope to convey the reality of life after university and a graduate trying to find whatever is meant to be next.

I will also be documenting my attempts to get experience in the writing/journalism/publishing industry. It may be of interest, it may not but I feel like it might be worthwhile even if it is just a personal document for me.

That’s it for part one – I hope at least one person enjoyed this 🙂

V

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